Yesterday, I was at the ER for the 2nd time. I was literally at the end of my rope. I just wanted to die. That's how bad I felt. Ironically, I have what I could easily say is the most beautiful little infant baby girl I could have ever asked God to give me, and as my wife sat there with me in the emergency ward, every single person who walked by my bed couldn't help but stop and talk to that little Angel of mine. Yet I sat there completely in a fog, completely unable to appreciate any of that. I just wanted everyone to leave me alone. I wanted my wife to go home. I literally just wanted to curl up into a ball and die. Seriously... 

Well today, after seeing a psychiatrist yesterday, who actually seems to care about me, and talking to my old family doctor who I haven't seen in 10 years, who also was very willing to admit these symptoms could be Levaquin induced, I am now on my first 24 period of Xanax. I'm disgusted with my current doctor, who is as of now no longer my current doctor, who has her head stuck in her PDR and won't even look up for a minute to realize how much of a joke that book really is. If I comeinto any money, I think one of the first things I would do would be to buy a bunch of internet terminals and go from doctors office to doctors office and installing them as I ripped up and shredded that stupid PDR into a million pieces.  

Can you imagine that. Let's say I'm a doctor. I'm about to precribe someone Levaquin. Rather than opening that stupid book, I spend LESS time walking over an internet terminal, and seeing losts of postings about adverse reaction to this drug. Hmmmmmmm. Maybe I wouldn't prescribe it? 

I hadn't seen my original family doctor in over 10 years, but when he heard of what I was going through, even though he was leaving on a 3 week vacation, he took the time to carefully listen to my problems and gave me some recommendations of who I should see next. 

Late night, and today, I actually got some work done. I played with my children. I've managed to eat. And I've managed to sleep. I'm still not feeling right. I'm still a little shaky. Most concerning though, it that my skin feels itchy and burning, and a have a few small blisters here and there, and that is most worrisome. But at least today, with all of my discomfort, I have enough clarity of mind to enjoy my children. Thank God. Thank you dear God for letting me enjoy that again!!!!!! And although I feel far from "OK", I want to personally thank that large number of people out there who have written me privately to offer me courage, support and hope.

I've always been very introverted, but if this horrible tragedy has taught me anything, it's how wonderful, how absolutely WONDERFUL human beings can be. In the midst of so many of you suffering, or the many of you who have gotten over most of your suffering, you still take the time to view these messages and risk reminding yourself of your own ordeal in order to make things better for someone like myself. I'm not an overall religious person, but god bless you. God bless all of you. You can't imagine what the support I've gotten means to me. If I can now just get past this residual shakiness, the skin burning sensations, and learn to accept this a little more, I feel I might just make it.

Last Updated 7/15/04